Friday, December 02, 2005

Well, I suppose I’m cruisin into a new world. There’s lots to tell. It’s seven a.m. and I still have to pack for a family reunion trip and we gotta be out of here by ten. I’m not sure why I’m shoving into my limited time writing my blog – but I feel like it, and so here goes…

So. I left my job. Yes, I quit. No more Desperate Housewives. I completed thirteen episodes and will not consult on the last ten. But it’s not because I didn’t love the job, LOVE the people, and the show. It’s because…well – I went to New York and did ten shows of Letting Go Of God. And it was really stupendous. I had the best time. I missed doing the show and the audiences were so fantastic. I felt, with every fiber of my being, that I just had to go to New York with the show in a bigger way – to a real off-Broadway theater and do a proper run of the show. It feels so right. The time seems right. Things have changed so much, even since I opened the show a year and a half ago. For example, when I opened my show here in Los Angeles, and I got to the part where I talk about Intelligent Design, I felt that about 30% of the audience knew what I was talking about. But now, EVERYONE knows what I’m talking about. Absolutely everyone. It seems like the topic of religion is exploding right now, all over the place. And I really, really, really want to be doing my show.

Also, I had an epiphany while I was in New York about my book. I was having all kinds of trouble finishing the book. I couldn’t get the tone right, I couldn’t figure out how to write about my Bible Study class for example and not infuse that part with everything that I now know about the Bible, how it was put together, who decided what books were where, how the translations were done. But I didn’t know that when I was taking the Bible study class. I was just reading it for face value. Anyway, this has been a stumbling block for me. And it’s caused all kinds of havoc. My publisher is giving up on the book and basically so was I.

But then – I was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York looking at this Prague exhibit (I love Prague, oh how I miss Prague – even though I spent just about a week there five years ago or so) and I picked up a book by a writer that I didn’t know. His name is John Banville and he wrote a short little book about Prague called, “Prague Pictures: Portrait of a City,” I’d never heard of him. He’s an Irish writer. I am now completely shocked that I hadn’t read him! Anyway, I was absolutely and completely seduced by his writing. I could never write as well as he does, but I suddenly felt, while reading this little book, that I could write my book. He had the key. His book goes in and out of history of the Czech Republic and his personal story about Prague and art and people and oh! Oh! Oh!

Then, I was at the airport heading back to Los Angeles (I went back and forth for three weekends in a row – working in L.A. at Desperate Housewives and then doing shows over the weekend in New York – it wasn’t so bad actually, I thought I’d be more exhausted) and I was in the airport bookstore and I looked over a table of books for sale of wonderful writers, many of whom are even friends of mine: David Sedaris, David Rakoff, Al Franken – and I was caught up in a sudden unexpected surge of ambition! I want my book to be there! I can write this book! I can! I can!

And I knew right then and there that I had to go back to L.A. and quit and spend the next four months (or more) finishing this book.

So that’s what I did. And that’s what I’m going to do. Then I want to shoot this movie and then take the show to New York for a Fall opening. Of course, I have no idea if I’m going to be able to swing all this, but I feel I am on a mission. And I’m so excited about it. I can’t wait to get started.

But I’ll have to wait a little bit. Because Mulan and I are headed out this morning to go on a Celebrity Cruise around the Western Caribbean (as far as I can tell we are touring the Hurricane Rita path starting in Galveston) with our family – my brother, his wife and kids, my aunt, my mother and my brother’s wife’s family. We return in a week and then I’m repainting my office, getting everything in order, and then starting full time on the book in January. My last day at Desperate was on Wednesday and they were all so cool about my decision. Most of them have seen my show and are really supportive about it. And even though it’s scary – like I’ve woken up three nights in a row at two a.m. in paralyzing fear about money – I also feel absolutely confident that somehow it’s all going to work out well. I am dedicating all of 2006 to Letting Go Of God – I must make this movie this year and open the show in New York. And the CD will be ready soon, I met with Robert (my producer of the CD) last night and everything is going according to plan. The big time-taker on the CD front could be getting the rights to the music I use in the show, but it’s all in the process of being handled.

So, now I gotta pack. And I know this blog is all blurting and blathering and repeating. But I have no time to edit! But I will tell you what I’m bringing on the trip to read:
1.) John Banville “The Shroud” (I immediately went on Amazon and ordered every single thing John Banville has ever written. And his last book won the Booker prize – something with “Sea” in it. I will probably receive that book in the mail while I’m gone. And now I keep mentioning him to people and they know about him. How did I not know about him!?! He’s my literary muse now. He’s absolutely the most hypnotic writer, his sentences take my breath away, it’s like music. I often have to put the book down and swoon after a passage.
2.) “Objectivism: The Philosophy of Ayn Rand” by Leonard Peikoff. It’s terrible and astonishing that I have not read any Ayn Rand. I think I was put off by her maniacal (it seems to me – in my ignorance) free market solutions to all problems. But I am ready to give her a try and so many people have come to my show and mentioned her – it’s really a sin that I haven’t read her yet.
3.) “Swann’s Way – In Search Of Lost Time” by Marcel Proust. Well – of course I want to read that! I mean, duh. I just got a new translation by C.K. Scott Moncrieff and Terrence Kilmartin revised by D.J. Enright – the whole six volumes. I am going to try to read one hour a day of Swann’s Way, and then head into other things.
4.) “The Ape In The Corner Office” by Richard Conniff. I am actually almost done with this book and I want to reread part so of it and then give it to my brother. It’s hilarious and interesting and it’s fun to read. I recommend it highly.

Mulan is in heaven because her two cousins (my brother’s children who are identical twins, turning five while we are out at sea) are going to be at her side every single minute.

I can take my computer on the cruise, so maybe I’ll find time to blog from there. Oh my god, I have to pack. And there’s so much to do!


Dave said...


Your show has come so highly recommended to me that I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the CD. How much longer are you going to put me through this torturous waiting?!

Just in reading your blog posts, I can feel a strong life-loving, valuing mentality, overflowing with passion, and that's the kind of thing I like to see. It reminds me that the world's really a pretty good place.

I wish you the best of luck on your show/book/movie/CD, and admire your courageous departure from Desperate Houswives to make them all happen. Kudos to you! I hope you make a big mountain of money on it, so that you never have to endure a sleepless night again. Not just because you deserve it, but because every dollar you make off of this means that people thought the right ideas were valuable to them. And that's priceless.

The best,
Dave Zornek

P.S. It really excites me that you are taking Peikoff's book with you on this cruise. I think you'll find that AR's philosophy isn't at all what you've popularly heard. At any rate, even if you disagree with parts of it, I hope you'll post your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Way to go. Julia, when the book comes out where will it be shelved in a book store. Current Events, Essays, I hope not Humor. Like Franken's books, all but one is in humor, "Truth" is the only one in current events. Enjoy your time off. 5 ins of snow in southern Minnesota.

Anonymous said...

Dear Julia-
Oh! I am so excited to hear this news. I am thrilled to hear the NYC shows were invigorating and I can't think of any message more important that your show's/book's.

I saw the show in LA twice and it
led to a change in me - for the better. A change I was waiting for...a voice in the wilderness? ha
or at The Hudson Theatre?

I do recall my first Christmas after "letting go" and how sad I felt-- just this strange feeling of loss and mourning for my old thinking perhaps--or feeling that
a sense of HOPE was gone?

I just read this terrific article re: the new NARNIA film in The New Yorker mag (11/21) by critic Adam Gopnik.

He profiled C.S. Lewis' life and journey in his faith and how trapped he was in his Christian duty to "stuff the marvelous into the allegorical" etc...

His article concluded with these moving words that struck a chord in me:

Fairy stories are not rich because they are true, and they lose none of their light because someone lit the candle. It is here that the atheist and the believer meet, in the realm of made up magic.

Atheists need ghosts, and kings and magical uncles and strange coincidences...just as much as the believers do, to register their understanding that a narrow material world, unlit by imagination, is inadequate to our experience, much less to our hopes.

This suddenly made me feel so much better. I think it helped me to not to get down on myself for sometimes missing the magical familiar world of my youth. It reminded me that humanity has
always had/and probably always will HUNGER for images, poetry, fantasy, and ritual (and I would add: illuminating theatre) and that is just how we have evolved
-- but even after "letting go" there can STILL be hope and joy in this fragile, strange, --and (YES! still magical) blink of an eye we call life.

Have a wonderful vacation, and all good things for the new year!!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing. I saw your show in LA last year and it made an incredible impact on me. It was everything a good work of theatre should be and more. (I've been trying to get all my friends in LA to see it!) I am so excited that you're bringing it to New York because I just moved from LA to New York! Congratulations and I'll be looking forward to seeing your show here next fall!

Justin Kreutzmann said...

way to go Julia...follow your heart.
Really want to see your show, everyone seems to be raving about it.

Francois Tremblay said...

Good going Julia. Don't let people scare you away from Objectivism. It seems "tolerence" for some atheists only extends to people who have no opinions about morality or politics. Whether you agree with any specific ideology or not, you have the right to read about anything you damn want.

Hellbound Alleee said...

I`m happy to comment too. And there`s no reason people should tell you what not to read. If you wanted to read the Left Behind series, I wouldn't think that it would harm you any more than some good capitalist philosophy.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the This American Life clip. I found myself bumping into beliefs I hadn't yet purged when I first declared my atheism. The first few are kind of easy, like "what keeps me from murdering people?" But the older I get, the more complex ones I find (such as inner being or a capital S "self."). Those are harder, but I feel I'm a better person for purging them.

Aaron Kinney said...

Hey Julia,

Good going on bringing Letting Go of God back to theatres! Let us all know when you come to LA again, Im dying to see the performance.

dneth said...

A book read by more people than any other except the bible is hardly a candidate for a toss in the ocean. Beware of those who condemn without reading or understanding.

Anonymous said...


it is all so clear!

like a path that has been waiting for you all along!

more power to you!

a strong wind at your back!

logs on your fire!

hip hip HOORAY!!!!!!!

hip hip HOORAY!!!!!!

(and thank you, thank you, thank you!)

Anonymous said...

Actually, it is the murder and repression of millions and millions of people in the name of Communism that has given atheism a bad name.

Ayn Rand got it right when she morally defended the individual's right to live free from the initiation of force -- whether that force is motivated by theism or "compassionate atheistic humanism."

Ms. Sweeney, I have not yet seen your play, but I look forward to the opportunity.

Anonymous said...

Hi Julia,
I am neither secular NOR am I an Objectivist, but I am a big fan of Ayn Rand from the "individualist" POV. Do yourself a HUGE favor - read "Anthem" before anything else. I'm concerned your political bias might turn you off from Rand... "Anthem" is a terrific book to get the gist of her ideas regarding the sanctity of the individual without any really overtly "political" messages that might otherwise turn you off. Of course this is my opinion, others might disagree, but as a non-atheist (or "a-naturalist" as you said at your NY show) and non-objectivist, I was really glad I approached Rand this way.
Your NY show was terrific - I get the feeling I was the only "believer" in the house - and as such it was just as much fun watching the audience reaction as it was listening to you "gently take down" monotheism and "god"... Needless to say it inspired many interesting "chats" afterward... :-)
Best of Luck - and God Bless!
Frank D.

Anonymous said...

Way to go Julia! Remember: At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you. I love that quote; it's a paraphrase of Goethe uttered by Barbra Streisand on "Inside the Actors Studio." Babs cleansed it a bit of its more "godly" langauge.

New York's fabulous, of course, but you should consider Letting Go of God in, say, Humboldt County, California. I missed your show in LA and have no hope of seeing it in NYC. I suppose I'll just have to wait for the release of the CD/DVD, though nothing can replace the intimacy of the theatre.

I never took any real notice of your work until I saw "God Said Ha" at the Coronet in West Hollywood. You managed to touch that "ah-hah" button in my brain, and a light went on thats just been getting brighter. Your current work in "Letting Go" merely deepens the conviction that you're one of the people who gets it.

Yes, Julia. The time for your show is NOW. I am awed and inspired that you have made the daring choice to commit to your work by quitting a plum job that offers, well, all that "easy" money. But have no fear because I HAVE FAITH: your truth and talent, and your fans, will take you where you want to go! Just show us the way . . . . Oh, and come to Humboldt!

Baconeater said...

Here is a site that will give you more than enough material for your next book:

Marianne said...

I've only read "Atlas Shrugged" and, while I found it a fun fantasy read, it was a little too Harlequin Romancey for me to take seriously as a philosophy. Nobody could *truly* behave that way. Although I really like the idea of nobody being owed anything, that you have to earn wealth on your own merits... I dunno. It's been awhile since I read it. Maybe the fact that I lent it to a college boyfriend, who started putting me down for not being more like Dagney Taggart (as if anyone could without developing bleeding ulcers!), colors my hindsight.
Eh. I just read this Epinion, in which the reviewer also used "Harlequin Romance" to describe Rand's work. I can't imagine there wouldn't be something better out there for you to spend your time reading... :p

Atlas Whined

I second the request for a Humboldt County show!!! (I live in S.F. :D) Much joy and success to you on your new path!

Anonymous said...


actually, people behave that way all the time. Haven't you ever stood up to someone who you new was taking advantage of you and said enough's enough? Have you ever quit a job where you were desperately needed, and the person who needed you acknowledged it but refused to pay you more because of your talent? heck, ANY person who ever quit a job in a union fits in this category.

Anonymous said...

Okay - you seduced me. I have to run out and read me some Banville!

I'm happy to say that I will be at your Dec. 18 Los Angeles show...and bringing along the family.

Also, as I am moving to New York early next year - hope to catch you there as well!

You are truly inspiring - now if only I could get my butt in the chair and start writing!

Anonymous said...

wasn't A.Rand Ronald Reagen's favorite, makes me puke just to think of it.

Anonymous said...

Hi ho Julia,

I second reading Anthem, and I also recommend The Fountainhead after. I think you would be best served and much entertained by reading those first. Particularly if you are seriously interested in learning about Objectivism.

Anthem is a rather quick read and will be sure to tug at your heartsrtings. The Fountainhead is widely admired by people all over the political specrtum. Do yourself a favor and learn about Ayn Rands ideas while being thoroughly entertained.

I wish you the best on your trip. Cheers

Anonymous said...

Hi Julia,

I agree with many others who have left notes: you're an inspiration.

It's so important for your voice to be heard, especially in these strange times.

Best wishes for your return to NY, and I'm very much looking forward to purchasing your forthcoming book!

Marianne said...

Jason -

You're absolutely right about those things... I guess what I meant was that the characters didn't seem like real, fallible people with normal human emotions; more like fictional representations of ideas/ideals, and not very successful ones. I have trouble respecting philosophies that don't take into account the whole spectrum of human behavior, the fact that no person is completely altruistic or brilliant or boring or ignorant or heroic or self-centered, but always combinations of those things, on different days, in different situations. Rand's characters seem very two-dimensional to me. It seems to me either a flaw in her characterisation or in her philosophy or possibly both.

Nictate said...

Hi Julia-
I just saw your LGoG performance in L.A. for the third time (counting the workshop version of it that you did in Culver City many moons ago). Great job!

You are so brilliant and charming. I can't figure out how you fit all those stories and facts into your brain. Even though I'm an "Anaturalist" still, I admire your honesty and passion.

I also loved your In the Family Way show (saw that one three times, too). So touching.

Best wishes with the book, movie and NY run. You are an inspiration.
Take care,

Anonymous said...

Hi, Julia.

I thought you might find this interesting.

This was sent by a friend...

Here is the text of a very intriguing essay in the
"This I Believe" series on NPR (a series of short
essays on core beliefs written by people from many
walks of life; recent airings have included Walter
Cronkite and neurosurgeon Ben Carson.) This one aired
today, by Penn Gillette of the magic duo "Penn and
Teller" (Penn is the talkative one). >

I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond Atheism.
Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God
is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no
work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an
elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How
about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check
again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt
definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery,
order, goodness, love and a spare tire?

So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself
has to start with no belief in God and then look for
evidence of God. She needs to search for some
objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the
people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at
this searching stage. The Atheism part is easy.
But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand
something more personal, some leap of faith that helps
one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So,
I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no

Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my
life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies,
rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be
enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in
the world and everything in the world is plenty for
me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more.
Just the love of my family that raised me and the
family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need
heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy
every day.

Believing there's no God means I can't really be
forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories.
That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I
have to try to treat people right the first time

Believing there's no God stops me from being
solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different
people from all different cultures. Without God, we
can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where
I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really
communicate. I don't travel in circles where people
say, "I have faith, I believe this in my heart and
nothing you can say or do can shake my faith." That's
just a long-winded religious way to say, "shut up," or
another two words that the FCC likes less. But all
obscenity is less insulting than, "How I was brought
up and my imaginary friend means more to me than
anything you can ever say or do." So, believing there
is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always
fun. It means I'm learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I've
seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the
world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent,
omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is
just testing us, but rather something we all may be
able to help others with in the future. No God means
the possibility of less suffering in the future.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for
belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex,
Jell-o and all the other things I can prove and that
make this life the best life I will ever have.

- Penn Gillette for "This I Believe" (NPR)

Frank said...

Hi Julia,
Glad to have you on blogger. You are a welcome addition.

Anonymous said...

Good for you seizing the opportunity to follow your passion.

Read some Ayn Rand. Everyone should, usually in college, so that you can get over it. Then follow up with the discussions of objectivism at

Best of luck

Gadfly said...

Hi, Julia. Glad to see your blog is here.

Oh, and do you want to enter the lion's den? Bring your show here to the buckle of the Bible Belt in Big D.

Anonymous said...

The best presentation I've heard of Ayn Rand's Objectivist position on the non-existance of God is Nathaniel Branden's audio recording "Concept of God". In it he takes every conceivable argument for God's existence and demonstrates why each one cannot possibly be true. It is amazing. Available from for $5, item number AF0564.

By the way, I had a long chat with the directors of Real Art Ways Cinema in Hartford, CT today and they are anxious to present the movie "Letting Go of God". They knew exactly what I was talking about. So send them a print of the absolutely incredible performance I saw you do at the Ars Nova Theatre in New York November 25, 2005 and let's get this party started!

Love, Dan

Anonymous said...

Hello Ms. Julia!

I am thrilled that you have launched your blog properly. I have been reading it ever since I saw your show in LA in January 2005. We spoke briefly after the show, and discussed you coming to Seattle to do the show at the Act, possibly. I realize it looks like that will not happen anytime soon, but I was so looking forward to seeing the show again.

You see, that show really changed my life in so many ways, and when I try to tell people about this change in me, I always reference your show.

I grew up a very fundamentalist christian in eastern Washington, and was mostly a progressive Mennonite Lesbian for my adult life, always taking a peace and justice tack or a feminist slant on faith. Now, however, I cannot simply accept these concepts at face value. I started changing these views before your show, but you articulated, very closely, what I was going though myself.

One month, after your show, I was driving my motor-scooter home from school ( I am in law school) and was hit by a car. My femur was broken and I spent 11 days in Harborview. I began to have this all encompassing fear of death. I realized, as I lose my faith, I also lose that security of "knowing" where I will go upon death. It is the hardest part of it all. I don;t think that I have come to the conclusion that there is simply nothing, spiritually, but I am starting to believe it is more akin to quantum physics than religion.

I am back in school, now, and am on the mend, but I still have a great deal of fear.

I have made contact with some of the old pastors etc in my youth, and am planning to discuss these ideas with them, as well as point out the utter abuse heafted on me as a child. (Lot's of patriarchal submission garbage.)

I saw the post you made and the comments by others about Ayn Rand. I have never agreed with her, philisophically, but I understand her reasoning. I do believe in altruism.Read her with an open mind, but realize she is a bit of a misogynist.(She really prizes males and male creativity and power.)

I would still, very much love to come and see you in Seattle. Your words do chnages lives. I appreciate all you have done and will do both creatively and intellectually. I am sorry you are leaving housewives, but it is a good thing for you, personally. Best to you....

Elizabeth from Seattle

Anonymous said...

J U L I A ! ! !

You sweetie you. I'm so thrilled to hear you're taking the reigns. I just know you'll be so much happier.

See you in Vegas in a few weeks-- I can't wait!

-Phil P.

P.S. Congrats on moving the blog.

Nicholas Provenzo said...

I don’t do fan mail, but I’ve heard so much about your conversion story and one woman show from my Objectivist friends that I must say that I find your honestly and intellectual curiosity heroically refreshing. I saw your one woman show on cancer a few years back on TV. If you share “Letting go of God” with the same thoughtfulness and sensitivity, I think you will have accomplished an important thing. I hope that you will be able to perform it in the DC area

And yes, please read Ayn Rand and Leonard Peikoff. I’d be really surprised if you didn’t come to value them like all these people who keep telling you that you need to read them.

Best Regards,

Nicholas Provenzo

Anonymous said...

Ms Sweeney:

You probably do not need another "attagirl" comment but I have no choice but to say thank you for your courage and your humor. I have always been a fan, and am looking forward to a future of your work. DON'T STOP!

Anonymous said...

Julia don't know if you check in much but if you get some time. Go to T The Strange Career of Self-Esteem

Ayn Rand and erstwhile lover Nathaniel Branden produce The Virtue of Selfishness: A New Concept of Egoism. Branden parlayed this into his current role as the self-described "Father of the Self-Esteem Movement."

12 Steps to Solipsism: Codependency

Everything is an addiction. The intense focus of relationships. The irrelevance of relationship. The ever lurking danger of The Other. We don't want to exchange one religion for another.

Anonymous said...

Hi Julia,
I sent you a couple of emails a month or two back. I don't think the blog page was up and running, or maybe I just didn't see it. Now I've read your news I can see you've been way too busy to respond. In fact I was just enquiring about getting recordings of Letting Go, and whether you had plans for a show in Northern California. I hope I can find the answers elsewhere

Anonymous said...

Did my eyes deceive me or did I see you credited on Deperate Housewives as a producer Sunday night 1/8/06?

carolinagirl79 said...

From one China Mom to another, I salute you.

I identify with so much of what you say.

My girls are 5 and 7 and my husband (raised Catholic) and I (Episcopalian) are struggling with what to tell them.

I wish you incredible success in 2006!!

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Anonymous said...

It is one of few movies I will want to own.
New York! Yay!

Anonymous said...

How much longer are you going to put me through this torturous waiting?!
You would certainly have a large and appreciative audience here.

Anonymous said...

I hope you'll post your thoughts.
It brings tears to my eyes because I can SO relate to your deconversion experience.

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