Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I haven’t blogged for a while and I am too tired to really write something tonight. But I wanted to say just this: I think my thirties were all about feeling so powerful and so capable and so invincible. My thirties were about seeing other people’s faults and weaknesses mostly and feeling slightly victimized by my own lack of power, because of course I deserved so much power!

And my forties. Well, I am forty seven, so it’s not totally over – the forties. But my forties are all about feeling so small and so barely capable and very, very not-invincible. And my forties are about seeing – well, I don’t want to say “weaknesses” because that will appear to be begging a compliment, and I am not saying that. I mean, my forties are about seeing my own limitations and my astonishment at the amount of power I do have ( for example, someone handed me a child and I appear to be in charge of her…) and my slow but building realization that I am partly faking it so that no will realize that I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING.


We had our first screening of “Letting Go of God” today. I have no idea how it is. I will not even venture to guess. But we got notes, good notes, from people who know about such things, and we are editing away.

Also, I am getting married. Next year. February. Not in a church, of course. Fortunately my fiancé does not require a clean house or even a swept floor. Just sparkling conversation. And jeez! I can do that!

See, I can do some things!

Only not just now. Now, I must sleep so we can continue with our endeavor tomorrow.