Sunday, October 25, 2009
My camera broke, again.
So this is a picture from the other day when it did work. It's on my dog walk. Lord in heaven, I love that tree.
I listen to audio books on my walk and am now entrenched in "Super Freakonomics." Oh god, it's good, too.
I'm listening to a birthday present CD of Iris Dement's "Lifeline." The song, "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" - well, if that song doesn't make you tear up, well, I would wonder about you...
I'm reading "Three Wishes" - the publisher's copy (they want a quote.) It's about three women who become single mothers by choice and it's riveting. God, I feel so deeply happy that all that part of my life is resolved and the turmoil over the decision is over. Now, looking back, I see how brave it was - or really maybe how naive it was - for me to just adopt a kid all on my own. It's like looking back at a high wire act you used to perform and suddenly realizing that there was a canyon below you. And you'd just skipped across it like it was nothing!
The thing that I now realize is how exposed you are becoming a parent. These women were just like me, thinking, I can do this all on my own and it's not gonna be all that hard. And the thing is, now I see, we are so hoodwinked by nature into thinking like that. It's terribly risky and overwhelming, but it doesn't seem like it at first. At first it's all baby smells and teeny toes and cute, cute, cute. You want that chubby gurgley unconditional love. And yes, it's worth it and the best decision I ever made and blah, blah, blah, but damn! It's scary and overwhelming and you barely have a thought for yourself forever after.
My kitchen and family room are still mid-paint and I'm nearly crazy with the disruption and I cannot find anything and Michael cannot find anything as everything's all piled in the dining room and this makes all of us pissed off all the time.
Mulan is getting her ears pierced. I said she could get them pierced when she turned ten. And she will apparently turn ten, according to my best available information, next week. I don't look forward to having another many-small parts-to-it group of Mulan's things to find embedded in the carpet like I find legos and groovy girl shoes and polly pocket accessories. Argh. I wonder if Arden will enjoy chewing on her earrings like he does everything else.