Friday, April 08, 2011



Just home from eight days in Paris.  Michael’s brother Joel lives there, and we've been wanting to go for a long time.  Mulan began taking French at school this year, so she was eager to try out speaking French to real Frenchians.  Joel’s favorite impressionist painter is Gustave Caillebotte, whose best known work: "Paris on a Rainy Day" hangs at the Art Institute here in Chicago.  Joel had this idea that we should restage the picture now.  He knew the exact location of the painting. So one day, we all traipsed out – on a rainy day in Paris – to take our version of the picture.  And there you have it – one Caillebotte’s version, and one Joel’s starring me, Michael and Mulan as the person walking towards us.  Unfortunately we had only one umbrella.  But still, it's an approximation.    Cars really take the romantic out of a place, don't you think?

I've travelled quite a bit in the last six weeks.  Since Feb. 19th – only 42 days ago, I have been on the road for 25 of those days.  Hawaii, the Pacific NorthWest, France.  Truthfully, I'm always scheming for another trip and my urge to travel has the markers for addiction.  For example, in a moment of downtime in Paris I found myself googling rental houses in Hawaii for next year.  Something that I not only canNOT afford to do, it's way too far in the future, and isn't even advisable from a time available vs. other commitments standpoint.  

Wow, just writing that caused me to stop and shudder.  My mind is an “I want” machine.  It can get out of hand.  Plus, as much as I love to travel, I have an equal feeling of hate towards it.  The getting ready, the re-entry back into routines.  It's all much more effort than the trip itself.  After this much travel, I am practically on the verge of entering a contemplative convent which observes the offices of the day and has only bland un-spiced food.  Now, where could I join a convent like that?  Should I start googling it?

Damn.

Fortunately, now I have a large swath of time without guests or travel.  I am feeling greedy and ambitious about it.  I want a schedule.  I want a slow encroachment towards completing tasks. I want organization and plodding effort. I don't want that zing.  Travel is like sugar, it gets me all hopped up.  

But back to Paris for a moment, shall we?

It was such a dreamy, lovely trip.  Every day in Paris we went to a museum and also did some major area site seeing and a whole lot of walking.  We rode bikes on Sunday when the express-ways near the Siene are blocked off for just that purpose.  We wandered all around Monmartre with a nice walking tour in English (called “Paris Walks.”)    We did another tour called: The History of Fashion.   Mulan was riveted.  Me too.  Our guide started with Louis 14th showing off his great legs in tights and went on from there.  On top of all this, Joel invited us to join him to see several historical exhibits I would never have gone to without prodding.  For example:  The Paris Commune of 1871 at City Hall.

Oh, I want to live in Paris!

I'd only been to Paris once before.  In 1981, just after I graduated from college. I went backpacking with my brother, Bill, and we camped. That’s right, we camped in Paris. I'm not sure where, just outside the city.  We had to walk everywhere in Paris with huge backpacks.  We ate canned food, heated on a butane stove outside our tent, IN PARIS.   I barely remember anything from that trip except glimpses of the glimpses we got of the Mona Lisa and the gardens at Versailles and the Eiffel tower – although I don’t believe we had the money to go to the top and just hung out at the middle level. 

So, now I’m in love with the city.  I didn’t realize how easy it was to get around (the Metro system is so efficient and reliable and widespread) and how knowing only English was almost never an impediment.  I had a big fantasy going while I was there about how I could live there for a whole year.  I am always like that, falling for every place I visit.  What a tart!

Speaking of which, the pastries were great.  Joel’s apartment (originally built around 1650) in the Morais was an ideal spot for people-watching from his large second floor window.  Orthodox Jews mixed with gay people and hip fashion stores next to kosher falafel stands.  Every morning Joel would make us great dark rich coffee while Mulan and I went to his favorite boulangerie and got croissants.  Mulan would order them in French.  I simply beamed with pride.

Just before this Paris trip I went on the road with Jill Sobule. We did four Jill & Julia Shows in six days: Spokane, Portland, Seattle, and then Los Angeles.   Dave Carpenter came along to play the bass.   He's such a great addition to our mix and we all laughed so hard on this trip.  It was an absolute joy.  The travel was also grueling, but somehow the days felt light-hearted and breezy.   Wow, just writing about Jill and Dave causes me to wish we were on the road again. In Spokane they made it "Julia Sweeney Day" (truly embarrassing to everyone except my mother) and the mayor, Mary Verner,  came to our show and gave me a calligraphic official proclamation.  She was really cool and funny as we joked around backstage about my "day."      

Okay, let’s get on to the lists:

Books read in the month of March, in the year of 2011:

1.     After The Ice, A Global Human History 20,000 – 5,000 B.C. by Steven Mithen. I finished this book, I had started it last month.  It knocked my socks off.  It’s not that I learned anything completely surprising, it’s just the detail of knowledge, the big overview of prehistoric man was world-view changing.  It’s like when I took my first Economics class and suddenly the world and it’s myriad of transactions were forever altered.  I knew how money worked, I just didn’t realize – I didn’t see how it invaded everything.  That’s how I feel about his book.  It’s heart wrenching, and deeply poignant and inspiring - reading about what we know about societies and groups of people scraping out a life so long ago.  It’s bone-chilling when you think how our climate is probably going to be changing dramatically in the next 100 years – in fact it could very well be as different from the weather we have now as the Last Glacial Maximum was from the warm, perfect-for-farming weather that we have experienced (more or less) since, say, 10,000 B.C.  There is an extreme likelihood of major population movement (and decline) drought, and warfare over dwindling resources.  I feel we're living in a Belle Epoch, in the future people will look back and say that the 100 years around just now - here in this place - in an affluent democracy – in relatively calm weather very conducive for humans and farming, it was a paradise.  But am I just an ego-maniac trying to imagine a horrible future, but just after I die?  Am I so guilty over giving up a belief in God that I have latched onto an apocalyptic world-view in another way?  I really don't think so, but then, I can't read what I just wrote - and not wonder if I'm being hysterical.  My answer: no!  It's real and it's happening.


And so, lets calm ourselves by thinking of... bad mothers.

2.     Bad Mother by Ayelet Waldman.   This book is funny and smart.  I'd read the reviews, and various articles written by Waldman before, but never read this book.  I love this woman!  God, it’s hilarious, relatable, provocative and bracingly truthful all at the same time.  It's inspired.

3.     The Wave: In Pursuit of the Rogues, Freaks and Giants of the Ocean by Susan Casey.   Waves happen to scare me deeply, and not just because of the recent tsunami tragedies.  Long ago, in Santa Monica, CA, I was driving home late at night, and I looked over my left shoulder at the ocean - very dark and big and foreboding.  The moonlight was just so.  Suddenly I was overcome by the idea that there was this huge mass of water so close to me, and the only reason it stayed put was because of gravity.   I know that's true for everything.  But to me at that moment, the ocean looked like a docile gigantic monster that just happened to be sleeping.  I verged on developing an out and out panic attack - my heart rate climbed, I pushed down on the gas pedal, I broke out into a sweat.  I drove home to Hollywood quickly, flying down the freeway, as if I had to outrun the ocean which was chasing me.  (A psychologist may have pointed out that I was also driving home from a boyfriend who had just told me two very disturbing things: the first was that he feared my vagina was going to bite his penis off  - he had had some horrible dream about it.  And this was not he scariest part of it!  The double punch was that he insisted he'd never heard of vagina dentata before.  The second very disturbing event was just after this, while I was trying to configure my face into an expression less like Munch's "The Scream."  He confessed he had waxed his entire back, to get rid of hair, by himself.  This had caused his entire back to erupt in disgusting oozing pustules that he wanted me to dab with some special ointment.  Btw, I had never said a think about his back hair, hadn't even thought about it.  But alas, I feigned an illness and basically bolted out the door.  Yes, cruel.  But yet - unavoidable.  In any case, true, this may have contributed to my sudden fear of the ocean.  Let me also add: I was 24 years old.)  Bottom line: Waves fascinate and scare me.  Surfers intrigue me.  Tsunamis seem to be on the rise. (he he) This book delivered.

  The  Kill by Emile Zola.  Finally, some fiction!  I really want to read fiction, I really do!  But jezhus sometimes I just cannot get there.  On the plane to Paris, I began this novel which I enjoyed thoroughly. My brother-in-law Joel had recommended it.  Joel is currently in the thrall of a particular time in French h history: the Second Empire and the Haussmannization of Paris.    Haussmann was the prefect of Paris in the mid-1800's.  He oversaw a great modernization effort that destroyed much of medieval Paris and introduced the big boulevards and iconic apartment buildings that define most of Paris today.  There was a lot of back-room dealing, fortunes were lost and made, and much graft and profiteering.  This is the backdrop of the book, The Kill.  It's filled with  real estate scheming, debauchery, incest and excess of every kind.   I wish Zola were alive to write the stories of New York financiers during the last ten years – it all rings so familiar.  Joel took us on walks around many homes that were of the type the characters in the book lived in, and we even walked around a park that is featured prominently in The Kill.  

4.     Global Catastrophes: A Very Short Introduction by Bill McGuire.  I know.  I know!  I'm so hungry for doom.  This book concentrates on Ice Ages and Warm Ages, Earthquakes and Tsunamis, and Volcanic Eruptions.  It also addresses human induced global warming and possible ice aging (for example, if the gulf stream shuts down there is a marked possibility that the British Isles and northern Europe would experience a mini-ice age.)  The most surprising frightening thing I learned is that global warming causes more earthquakes.  That association was never made clear to me before.  Why?  Because water is heavy.  When there is more water in the ocean, and less of it seized up in ice, it’s weighs down on the earth’s crust.  Every additional inch of water is a significant difference is weight.  The fault lines get much more pressure, and they give way more quickly, therefore more earthquakes.

5.    Now I've just started “Scream-Free Parenting” (ha – just writing that made me laugh.  And then, sadly, wince.) by Hal Edward Lunkel.  Then, I hope, I swear, on to another book of fiction. 

I’m much more of a risk-taker with non-fiction than with fiction.  With non-fiction, at least I’m going to learn something, it doesn’t have to be extraordinarily written.  I get eager just because of the subject matter.  But fiction.  God – it’s hard. I want to read it – but it must be stellar or I’ll stop.  I give up pretty quickly. 

These are the non-fiction books piled on my office desktop right now: Bossypants, by Tina Fey, Great American Hypocrites by Glenn Greenwald, The Most Human Human by  Brian Christian, Where Men Win Glory: The Odyssey of Pat Tillman by Jon Krakauer and finally Leaving The Saints by Martha Beck.

The fiction books, piled on the other side of my desk are: William Trevor’s Selected Stories, Peter Carey’s Parrot and Olivier in America, Zola's The Belly of Paris. 

If I can start a book of fiction while not first grabbing Fey's Bossypants, it will be a miracle.

In fact, I can say with confidence right now that I cannot resist Tina Fey.  In all her forms. I might have to stop writing this blog to go read her book.

Okay, I did.   It was great. I actually laughed so hard at the list of things to do to get a break from your baby that I snorted and lost control of my laughter in a freaky way that would have terrified anyone if they'd been home to witness it.  Get this book.  She is just, oh - Tina Fey! 

Okay, the list of MOVIES!

1.     Salt, Phillip Noyce
2.     The Ghost Writer, Roman Polanski
3.     Devil’s Doorway, Anthony Mann
4.     The Last Emperor, Bernardo Bertolucci
5.     Marie Antoinette, Sofia Coppola
6.     Meet Me in St. Lewis, Vincente Minnelli
7.     Music Man, the TV version directed by Jeff Bleckner
8.     Cairo Time, Ruba Nadda
9.     Joan Rivers, A Piece of Work, Ricki Stern & Annie Sundberg
10. An American in Paris, Vincente Minnelli
11. Me and Orson Welles, Richard Linklater


Mulan got a cold a few weeks ago, something that almost never happens.  She missed two days of school – unheard of!  This kid has the immune system of a child raised for a sixteen months in an orphanage.  She is strong like ox.  But there she was, with a cold and a fever and home from school.  We had a great time.  I realized that without intending to, I had gotten two end-of-royalty epics from Netflix: "The Last Emperor" and "Marie Antoinette."    First we watched The Last Emperor – and had lots to talk about – the end of the dynasty in China, the rise of the communists.  Then the next day we watched "Marie Antoinette."  It was awesome.  The whole experience made me want to home-school Mulan.  When I suggested this, it was her turn to reconfigure her face into something that was as much NOT Munch's "The Scream" as humanly possible.  

I think "Marie Antoinette" is my favorite Sofia Coppola film.  I thought it was poignant and sad and emotionally realistic in ways I didn't expect.  Jason Schwartzman as Louis 16th, how perfect!  He is so tragic.  Their relationship - dear Lord, there has to be more women directors.   I keep seeing movies that have an emotional truth about them and they are inevitably directed and written by women.  I want to see "Marie Antoinette" again.  (I guess I am still musing about "Down to the Bone" written and directed by Debra Granick. It blew me away.)

Both "The Last Emperor" and "Marie Antoinette" had the same emotional tug and pull.  You're outraged at their excess and luxury, you feel for the central characters thrown unwillingly into this world, you are firmly waiting for the "people" to rebel and burn the place down, but on the other hand, how fantastic are those shoes???

Although it hit me with a wallop in Paris last week – oh yeah…. The French Revolution didn’t exactly take.  It’s much easier to be a disgruntled and frustrated citizen than to figure out how to maintain a real meritocracy over the long haul.  This brings me to my latest musing.. do revolutions really work?  And also, why do we call our cessation from Britain the American Revolution?  It wasn’t a revolution.  It was a cessation from Britain.

I loved "Me and Orson Welles."  I'm a big admirer of Richard Linklater.  I wanted to drop into that movie and roll around in it.  All the performances were spot on.  The end broke my heart and felt like pure hope and possibility. 

I did not like "Joan Rivers, A Piece of Work."   So depressing.   I don't understand how she could be so un-self-aware as to allow that movie to even be released.  Her jokes were terrible. She was desperate for attention, a bottomless pit of need, masked as "ambition" and she exhibited no real inner life.  Even at the end, when she's crying about her associate not working with her anymore – it was all narcissistic and self pitying.  No real concern for him.  Michael and I were debating weather to watch the Joan Rivers documentary or the documentary "The Pat Tillman Story.".  After we watched Joan Rivers, I said to him, I think the Pat Tillman film would have been less depressing than that doc.

Of course "An American in Paris" was a treat.  Mulan referenced it constantly in Paris.  Especially since Joel's small apartment was much like Gene Kelley’s in the film.  And  Leslie Caron, what a body, what a dancer – my GOD!

Okay. I am out of steam. I have no energy to write about any audio books.  Plus, my hard drive crashed and I lost all my audio books (I am in them midst of doing some damage control) and the only one i listened to was Patton Oswalt's "Zombie, Spaceship, Wasteland."  It was fun and funny and made me miss Patton who I used to hang with in L.A. quite a bit.

I have no energy for music lists.  I must get back to my work.

Oh, but first a word about Libya.

I just cannot take it. I can't let it in.  I can't even read about it.  I am livid with Obama.  It may be the right thing to do, I really hope it is, I really hope there is so much I don't know, so much that supports this ADDITIONAL FUCKING WAR.

I feel as though Obama were my husband and let's say he's a banker, and one of the things we first bonded on together was how we hated - let's say people who cheated on their taxes.  And then, I find out my husband is cheating on his taxes!  And worst of all he didn't act like it was all that big of a deal. Oh yeah, I cheated on my taxes.  And then, I am so stunned, and there's nothing I can really do at the moment, plus - as I said, I am stunned and cannot even think about this reality - so I just go around in my regular life with him - to the pharmacy, let's say, and it rushes up to me when I'm least expecting it, when I'm standing in line.  My husband is a big cheater!!!

Is that the most convoluted analogy?  I dunno. It's just - what?

And then, when Obama's allowing a military commission at Guantanamo try Khalid Sheikh Mohammed instead of in a civil court - after everything he said he would do about it...  To me, that is this addition to my shocked stupefication in line at the pharmacy-analogy.  It's this: oh yeah, and your husband also sleeps with a drug addicted whore when he has time.

Oh.  Really?  Huh.  Huh.  Huh...

All righty. Just had to add that rant.  Take care, and thanks for reading!


38 comments:

Anonymous said...

Always love to read your stuff.

FYI, finally saw the much talked about Mulan frog eggs routine. I can't remember the last time a video made me feel so good. I know you were/are concerned about Mulan's feelings on that but please let her know that that story brings a LOT of joy to people.

Peggy said...

There's a lot to this post! Love the photo version of the painting--cool idea, though the cars do distract. I'm always interested in your book lists--I read Three Dog Life after you mentioned it in a post and thoroughly enjoyed it. Did you read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand?

Melissa said...

Just wanted to say that now i have even MORE books to read because of you. That first one looks wonderful.

I also have the exact same reaction to travel, even if it's just across state. I love it, but I hate it.

I don't have the same reaction to waves, even though I do have a habit of anxiety attacks when things get oppressive. I have the same initial reaction to the ocean-that it's this giant sleeping entity that can jump up and snuff me out in an instant, but then something takes over the anxiety. If I were a godbot, I might say it's a religious experience. But it's not. It's awe-inspiring yet peaceful, and it gets my blood flowing. Can you be giddy and at peace in the same moment? That's what the ocean does to me.

Annie Cristina said...

I loved "Marie Antoinette," too. Have you seen "The Virgin Suicides"? Coppola directed that one as well, and it is just as lush and painterly as "Marie Antoinette."

Lissa said...

I found my way here today via the SLOG piece (your frog eggs clip), with a stop at your TED talk on the way, and I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your work. These Paris stories are delightful. Love the painting re-creation and the thought of people-watching over croissants with your daughter. And the sweet thought that Mulan's sick days were fun for the two of you, curling up and watching movies that lead to big discussions. I'm a homeschooling mom and those moments are exactly what I love best about it.

Donnie Jordan said...

Haha, I love reading you're blog, it's just so fun, and funny! it gives me new ideas on what movies to see, and books to read. I always look forward to you're next post :)

Plus I feel exactly like you do about Obama, you explained it perfectly.

Star said...

Loved the photo! Congrats to your daughter for her French; it's fun and useful for tasks-at-hand and mind-developing to speak another language.

Usha Alexander said...

I am right with you on the reactions to Libya and Guantanamo. Spot on.

Love the photo.

Lausten North said...

After the Ice Age sounds interesting, thanks for the suggestion. I also just heard about Werner Herzog's latest creation on a recent Science Friday on NPR. He was able to film the cave paintings in France. http://www.wernerherzog.com/index.php?id=64

And, since I never know when a question is rhetorical, no, you're not hysterical. Humanity will eventually end, most likely by a natural disaster, but maybe with some of our own prodding. We should consider what we leave behind. I mean that in a strictly environmental sense, but also, if there is a next sentient creature, imagine the impact of them knowing that they are not the first.

Todd said...

The photo recreation is super! Hopefully Obama is just having a midlife crisis. Thanks for your writing.

Hypothetical Woman said...

The photo reconstruction is amazing - such a pity about the cars, though. If only more people would leave the cars behind and use the Metro...

Julian said...

I don't agree with your review of Joan River's 'A Piece Of Work.' Saying there is no visible concern for her manager Billy is like saying everybody should cry at funerals. People show concern differently. If anything, the movie is about humor, and the power of humor, and what a complex, tough person she is underneath all those masked laughs - something every funny person should be able to relate to. I loved it, love her. And admire her so in this age of pedaling a scripted reality show for a vitamin water brand and never showing your true colors in fear of scaring off a sponsor. Good or bad, Joan took the brave road on this documentary and let them see her through thick and thin. Yes, there is sadness in her story, but there are also glimpses of her resilience and her youth - however skewered through surgery. She kicks ass more than kids half her age.
I urge you to watch it again. As a comedian, Joan Rivers should be an inspiring icon who is fearless and fucking funny.

Megan Fedders said...

Just wanted to tell you that your monologues are my most played pieces on my iPod. I walk the dog to them all the time. Can't wait for a new one, but it looks like it will be a while.

Did not know you were living in the frigid Great Lakes region. Welcome and I hope I can catch you in person at a show. I am sure we could get an audience together up here in Milwaukee!

Karen said...

After a get together with our adoption group brought up the topic of reproduction, I had to watch your frog routine. Hilarious! And now I know not to google mating cats for my girls too. Thanks for the heads up. The other day my 6 year old asked how babies get inside the mom's belly, and my eight year old jumped in before I could say a word and told her that "dad put his waddle thingy in mom's crack so his tadpoles could fertilize her egg." I don't think I could respond because I was doubled over in laughter. They say we should use the proper words for these body parts, and we have, but clearly my kids think otherwise. And I always knew men could be turkeys.

As far as cataclysmic events, I have dreamed of walls of water coming at me all my life, even Lake Michigan tsunamis. And have you read the recent news about Yellow Stone's ground rising a foot in the last year... the mega volcano is taking a deep breath apparently. So, how do I rationally tell my husband we don't need to take a family vacation to that grand national park. Not that you need more catastrophic event media, but PBS's Nova had a great one on ten things that would change life on planet earth as we know it.

Thanks for the laughs!

Veronica said...

What a treat to find you again. I lost touch with you after you moved from LA. Great post, as always. I also have "Bossypants" up next.
But I was really disappointed that you had a show in LA which I didn't hear about. Is there a mailing list I can be part of? Don't want to miss your next Jill and Julia or anything else you do in your old neck of the woods. Saludos!

Shannon said...

I think you'll like Martha Beck's "Leaving the Saints." Very catchy, easy read. And very interesting inside info about mormonism.

wfs said...

Nice portraying. Cool place but there are so many changes at all.

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cluelesscarolinagirl said...

I do not believe that Joan Rivers has experienced real love for anyone in her entire life except for her mother and her daughter. The rest of Joan, if you were drawing a pie chart, is a desperate cry for attention, LOVE ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!!! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!

Psychotherapy said...

You’re a fine blogger. Please carry on with it. I can’t wait to read what’s after that.

Jerry Patrick said...

Out of all the stuff you talked about in this post, the only thing I keep wondering about is that they guys apartment was built in 1650! What are the pipes like? ; )

yokohamamama said...

I know exactly what you mean about the fiction-- I never read fiction anymore, either. Not a conscious decision...just, sort of, happened. No idea when the switch to non-fiction happened. But, as you say, with non-fiction I'm mostly interested in the information, what I'm going to learn. And it's no problem to look up things on Amazon and be reasonably pleased with something nonfiction. Fiction is so much more of a crap-shoot. These days, all my fiction is vetted by my mother. If she liked it, I will. Let somebody with similar taste recommend fiction to you, pick the nonfiction your own self;-) And I'm now going to break my own rule and get After the Ice...

Fun photo! Very well done--made me do a double-take! Paris is so fun--how wonderful that you got to take Mulan! What a lucky kid:-)

krk realty said...

You are indeed one of the finest writer i've known. Keep this thing going.

nolackawanna said...

I found your blog via a friend's Facebook posting of your Sex Ed monologue. "Waste-treatment plant next to an amusement park" made me wet my pants.

But then I read your rant on Libya. I feel the exact same way: my husband is a lying, hypocritical cheater who sleeps with crack-addicted whores when he has time. If only impeachment were as feasible as divorce.

Love your work. The world is a better place because of it.

Anonymous said...

ugh u r the worst

the business line said...

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pornhub said...

Very interesting read - I would be more than happy to support you in your endeavours as queen - and at least you know how to have fun with responsibility!

Thanks once again :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Julia,

I have never had the desire nor occasion to contact a real live celebrity, but after just finishing Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion," I looked you up because I'd love to see your biographical monologues referenced in the book.

Your name was familiar, but I couldn't place you, but now know you were Pat, one of my favorite SNL characters ever. So clever amd hilarious you were with that character and the other skits you performed in.

Anyway, It's so nice to find someone who has made me laugh so much who appears to have the same view of religion as I. I commend you for your involvement in related organizations.

I look forward to hopefully being able to rent or buy the DVD of your act, as well as read the very interesting books you list as favs.

Heard You just moved to Chicago, so maybe you might be performing your act here? Anyway, welcome to the area!

Derek

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