I can’t believe I’m sick AGAIN. I just had the flu in January, and now I have a hellish cold. It’s hellish in that I feel almost well for about an hour a day, just long enough to convince myself that I can go on with life as usual, only to find that no, I am slogging through with clogged sinuses and ears and weepy eyes (weirdly stuff is like, leaking out of my eyes, and it’s not tears because I am not unhappy, I am PISSED that I am sick again) and I can’t taste anything.
You would think not being able to taste anything would be a boon to someone who wants to lose a few pounds. But my reaction to not being able to taste anything is a strange desire to eat constantly - everything, anything, just trying to get some amount of taste.
It’s as if my appetite isn’t really so much about calories as it is about getting satisfactory taste and flavor and when that function is compromised, I have this urge to try and try and try to get that taste and flavor. So I eat thousands of calories and hate every bite. ARG.
I went to Portland on Wednesday and did a question and answer session, along with a little talk about creativity and “believing in yourself” and skepticism at this very famous advertising firm: Wieden & Kennedy. I loved the building. And the people. It was all great and fun -- except for the constant sniffles.
That night, I did an hour and ten minutes of “Letting Go of God.” I got to do this in a church! That’s the first time that’s happened and what a treat. The audience was welcoming and listened and was very supportive and open and I was really honored to be there.
Except I probably shouldn’t have been, because I began to lose my voice and I coughed a lot and ICK. Oh! I shouldn’t have shook people’s hands. I thought I was on the mend, I didn’t have a fever or anything. I feel awful about that.
So I came back to L.A. yesterday – the plane flight was excruciating, my ears have still not recovered. And I cancelled my trip to New York for the World Science Festival for this weekend. That just kills me. Just kills me, I tell you. I was even meeting my mother-in-law there and she was already in the city.
I also found out that in spite of our greatest wishes, the radio pilot I did with the CPB (Corporation for Public Broadcasting) did not get funded. I had such a great time working on that and really wanted to do more of them. My producer, Mary Beth, is not giving up and we have a lot of interest from some other public radio places, and I guess there is a window even for going back to the CPB – possibly – at some future time – for funding… but… oh… oh…
It’s hard not to think about completely reorganizing your life when you are sick and have gotten a few pieces of bad news.
Like, I need to slow down. I need to focus on a few things and do well on them and stop this running around doing shows here and there. I need to stop going to conferences. I need to finish my book, write my pilot (the only well paying job I have right now) and get this movie launched. I need to get really tough about accepting invitations.
The thing is, my appetite is so big. Not just with food. With everything, I always want to do everything. I want to be a mom, I want to write books, I want to do my stage show all over the place, I want to create TV shows, I want to be ON TV shows. So I’m spread out all over and I’m constantly frazzled.
All right. Enough of the pity party. I am going to get well and write more some other time.