Back in 1999, when I was watching the movie, “American Beauty,” I almost let out an audible – “Oh, come on!” in the theater when the homophobic Chris Cooper character admits that he himself is gay at the end.

I mean, if I were teaching a screenwriting class and my student had turned this script in, I would say – that is way too much of a cliché – the homophobe turns out to be… gay! It’s so one-dimensional; it’s a cartoon character. And while I’m sure there are SOME outspoken homophobic men out there who are actually gay, I think there are a whole lot more outspoken homophobic men out there who just don’t have a clue. They aren’t gay; they are just unsocialized and small-minded. And this stereotype is just that, an enormous over used cliché.

And now here we have that cliché prancing around us, with Haggard. OH MY GOD. It’s too good to be true. And yet, here it is, TRUE. Oh! I am so giddy. And yes, I hope that Richard Dawkins is lifting a nice glass of bubbly in the air. This guy is so reprehensible! He was also featured in “Jesus Camp.” That movie is even creepier now.

It’s so obvious that when we make some behavior absolutely taboo, we tend to fetishize it. This is like, SEX 101. So while I think it’s an overused stereotype – the closeted preacher, it is also everywhere! I just hate that people like Haggard and Foley fall into self-hate so quickly (and in Foley’s case, blame.) If they derive pleasure from having sex with people of their own gender, it’s not hateful. They aren’t in “sin.”

And it’s so tricky, because the progressives just want to heap disgust and anger on the person, not for being gay but for being such hypocrites. But it’s obvious that the person themselves, who has been set up for this naughty-boy, self-hatred by their screwed up church, takes the criticism as if it’s about the sex act itself, not the fact that they were penalizing others who had the same tendencies. They don’t seem to get it – it’s not about being gay, it’s about lying about it. And I fear that the message American’s get is: being gay means being fucked up. When it doesn’t. Only if you are lying about it and, oh – yes, in this case, advising the president about legislation in regards to it. THAT’s when it’s morally reprehensible.

And the cycle continues, I’m good – I’m bad, I’m clean, I’m dirty. It’s so depressing!

This is what I don’t get. When I see people on television, like Bush – like Haggard – they seem to be so obviously reacting to some deep screwed up personal issues. Their facial expressions, the way they get heated up and testy over the smallest things. I’m not saying Bush’s thing is sexual – I actually think his problems are so much deeper and more twisted than that – but to me, is just so… OBVIOUS. And come on, aren’t we supposed to be social animals that have evolved a keen ability to detect insincerity in others? And yet all these people voted for Bush because they “trusted” him more - they “liked” him more. And the same with Haggard – when I saw him in “Jesus Camp” or in the Dawkins BBC show – or even when I saw him preaching on television, he was so obviously about to explode with repression. I mean, look at the guy’s eyeballs – they are practically bursting out of his head! He seems crazed and on edge.

Haggard wrote to his congregation about his attempts to “cure” himself of his sexual “problems.” He wrote, "… the dirt I thought was gone would resurface ... the darkness increased and dominated." It’s like he’s involving his congregation in his own naughty-boy sex games!

Haggard, you are such a bad boy! A bad, bad boy! And you just need to be spanked right now! Jeez, it’s almost like we’re reading pornography. I just kept thinking, “Wow, his next sexual encounter with a man is going to be muy, muy caliente!”

Can’t write more now because I just flew home from New Jersey where I attended a Bar Mitzvah. (It was really fun! It was my first! So much like Catholicism to me! The venerated objects! The recitations! The goblet, even!)

I also want to say that my website has so much wrong with it right now, it’s making me lose sleep. I am trying to get things the way I want them by the end of this week. But at least people can finally order the Cds.

And yes, Shannon is obnoxious. But I feel weird banning someone from commenting on my blog. He doesn’t take up a lot of space.

And it’s weird to me, that since I am sympathetic to people’s nostalgia for the church, and appreciative of the community it creates, that makes them think I am leaning towards belief in God – when that is so very much not the case.